Hi all I’m sorry for the absence I was busy but now back with stuff running about in my mind which I usually think it helps when I write or type them out so hope this one helps or you enjoy reading stick with me as here we go. By the name of this post I was meaning in yourself now this can be a difficult thing trust me. Especially when my first boyfriend at 19 who I went with until 21 ended up on the sex offenders register later down life will never understand what happened there as when we were together we met protected and handed over to the police a abandoned 3yr and ended up being called to court as a witnesses for the next year and a half till the mother agreed she was guilty of child neglect. It was about 2yrs later he ended up on the register read it in a evening news and nearly threw up if I had eaten anything that morning it made me think how could my judgement be so flawed but I know there was more to the story as I still think he wasn’t that sort of guy. My luck didn’t get any better fell for a bloke online had a intense relationship by phone and computer for 4yrs daftly lost a lot of money due to misplaced trust. So it took me a while to trust my judgement again I guess it made me cynical and jaded. Can’t say it didn’t change me how can it not but eventually I learnt to accept myself again. I’m still a incurable romantic despite all the bumps I’ve had getting to this point it’s taken a lot. I’m now happy for now I have a guy called Jambo who is my friend and confidante support services when I need it and my masochist who allows and loves me spanking him. He was there for me when I thought I was pregnant by accident despite using protection late periods whereas the guy who I thought was the reason wasn’t this was his choice but it taught me another lesson in judgement. I’m so grateful for Jambo as he’s seen me at my worst and cranky and put up with me understood that at times I just needed space. When I was ready to spank him he’s been there great company and he introduced me to Sin who at one club he couldn’t attend to he was there for me and allowed me to play saved me feeling a spare part. Also let me scratch his back to the point of bleeding and continue enjoy me biting his collarbone and neck then let me try out a new whip this was all consensual I enjoyed doing it and he enjoyed receiving. I’m so lucky to not just have found one but hopefully two when I wasn’t even looking. As Jambo joked he and Sin could talk about being flogged by me over a pint instead of football. I have got to the point where I accept I enjoy spanking flogging caning biting and scratching blokes with their consent and they enjoy it and ask for more. Loved seeing Sins blood cover my hands but it was even more erotically sensual when he sucked it back off my fingers that memory makes me hot too. Hope you enjoyed this writing and maybe it will help you find acceptance its not easy it’s a long road but don’t ever give up or become cynical.
Hugs and be well
Regards SilvAngelDemon xx